


tell me about the big bang.

by zohh



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6992074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zohh/pseuds/zohh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patsy’s heart does a flip as the calm demeanor spread across Delia’s face cracks, breaking off into small pieces that fall as Delia takes a shaky breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tell me about the big bang.

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is tbh???????
> 
> (takes place during s5e5)

When the house is still and everything settles down from dinner, Patsy slips out of the bathroom after washing up from the day and changing, bypassing her own room to stand outside of Delia’s. She knocks quietly with the knuckle of her forefinger for opening the door.

“Delia?”

“Come in.”

Patsy closes the door behind her and walks quickly to where Delia is sitting up in bed, hair down with an unopened book in her lap. Patsy glances down and sees that the hardback book is worn; the cover is faded and many of the pages are wrinkles from water stains and years of being turned.

“I just wanted to check on you before I went off to bed,” Patsy says, smoothing her hands across her pajama pants.

Delia sighs. “I’m alright, Pats.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

Patsy leans her head closer, pursing her lips and squinting her eyes. Delia sighs again.

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this, Pats,” Delia says, pushing the book aside. “I just did the same th—”

“Thing the rest of us do, I know Deels,” Patsy says. “You’ve mentioned that four times now, three times during dinner.”

“Well, it is true,” Delia says indignantly. “And even if I’m not a midwife, it’s still a part of my duties of living here at Nonnatus, and really, as a nurse it’s my duty to help anyone, no matter what.”

Patsy smiles. “Yes, yes, I understand that. It’s just that childbirth can be terribly stressful, especially over the phone with a mother who is alone.” A silent beat passes between them; Delia wrinkles her nose and then Patsy says, “I’m just…I’m proud of you, Deels.”

Delia looks down, hands folded together, and quietly says, “You’re not wrong.”

“About what?”

“About it being stressful,” she says, looking up.

Patsy’s heart does a flip as the calm demeanor spread across Delia’s face cracks, breaking off into small pieces that fall as Delia takes a shaky breath. She pushes herself further up onto the bed and swings her legs over.

Wordlessly, Patsy leans against Delia, wrapping an arm around her until Delia’s head is flat against her chest.

“I was so frightened, Patsy. There was no one else around, and I hadn’t realized that Nurse Crane’s car wasn’t working and that she took a bicycle. I just kept thinking, ‘where is she? Where is she?’

“And Sister Monica Joan went to fetch you, and that poor mother was all alone…” Delia’s voice wavers before trailing off.

“I know, I know,” Patsy says. “But you got her through it, and everything turned out alright.”

“But what if it hadn’t?”

Patsy tries to shush her, rubbing her hand up and down her arm, but Delia is insistent.

“What do you?” Delia asks, her voice at a whisper. “What do you do when something goes wrong?”

Patsy thins her lips, resting her chin momentarily on Delia’s hair. “D’you remember that night I came to you at the nurses home? After I had to deliver that stillborn baby?” She can feel Delia nod against her and continues. “I was petrified, absolutely petrified. I had never done that before and I felt so inexperienced, like I wasn’t fit to be a midwife and that everything had been a mistake.”

Delia drapes an arm over Patsy and fidgets with one of the buttons on her pajama shirt.

“Most of the time, though,” Patsy says, her voice low, “everything goes as planned and you get to watch a mother’s face absolutely light up as you hand her her baby for the first time; it’s definitely more rewarding than the blokes on male surgical.”

Delia burrows her head lower down Patsy’s chest and says, “Can you stay for a bit?”

“Of course.” Patsy glances back at the discarded book and gingerly picks it up, holding it out in front of her with her free hand.

“It’s my favorite,” Delia murmurs.

Patsy smiles again and flips open the first page. She kisses the top of Delia’s head and pretends to clear her throat before starting.

“Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies’ eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place…”

**Author's Note:**

> I said to the the sun,  
> “Tell me about the big bang.”  
> The sun said,  
> “It hurts to become.”  
> I carry that hurt on the tip of my tongue,  
> And whisper bless your heart every chance I get.
> 
> (i sing the body electric; especially when the power is out, andrea gibson)


End file.
